If there’s one chore I hate more than any others, it’s taking a bag full of garbage from inside my house, to a dumpster outside. It makes no sense that I would loath such a simple and easy task, but I would rather cut off my fingertips and dip my hand into pure lemon juice than take the trash out. Before marriage, I had no one to gently and lovingly remind me that this needed to be done. I would continue to pack as much garbage into the can as possible and take it out only when necessary.
There is nothing less appealing than an overflowing trash can. It’s a deterrent. It keeps business away, attracts pests, and it will eventually get the neighbors very concerned. Today a situation at work reminded me of how much my ego can be like an overflowing trash can. I received a “punch up” email from someone who doesn’t work in my building and isn’t really my boss “reminding” me to complete a task that was overdue. I thought to myself “It should be overdue because that task is useless and doesn’t contribute to my business in any way”. I took a few minutes before responding to consider the options before me. I could let this person know exactly what I was thinking, letting my ego and emotions dictate my actions, telling him off and potentially burning a bridge. Or I could just not respond, take the high road and complete the task.
I may be right, but is that what’s best?
For anyone with as much ego as myself, one of the hardest things to do on any given day is to say we are wrong. I could argue all day to convince someone I am right in a disagreement even after I stop believing it. The problem is that if I am never wrong, then I never learn. When my actions and thoughts are dictated by my ego and my pride, I lose the ability to mature and develop. Think of the last time you disagreed with your spouse. Did putting your foot down and proclaiming your “rightness” make you a better partner? Did you become a better student the last time you complained that a teacher gave too much homework? Have you ever convinced someone you were arguing with on social media to see your point of view politically? The answer to most of these questions is probably no. It’s not easy to let go of being right, but when we do, we are free to start growing. The moments that build the most character in our lives are typically the most challenging.
Would you rather be vindicated, or be your best self?
When I got the email this morning and considered my reply, a third option began to sink in. Why hadn’t I considered that I might be wrong? What if I had given more value and priority to the task in question? Would someone be sending me an email following up with me if it weren’t important? I hadn’t considered that I probably spent more energy thinking about how I was going to tell him off then I would if I had taken care of this issue. If I’m going to be the best version of myself, then wouldn’t it be better to use my time solving the problem then thinking of all the reasons my frustration is justified? Think of all the value that is lost because every day we choose to complain, justify, argue, and let our egos lead us rather than solve, listen, empathize, and potentially learn.
When our homes are full of trash, we cannot be healthy. We can’t cook food without getting sick, we can’t enjoy company, and we certainly can’t stand the smell. In the same way, when our hearts are full of ego we cannot expect to be mentally or emotionally healthy. Just like taking out the stupid trash, the best thing for any given situation is to remove our need for “rightness”.