One of the things I've been accused of a few times in my
life has been talking too much. Whenever I think about it, many of the people
in my life that have left the greatest impression on me, only spoke when they
had something good to say. Many others speak, and eventually say something
worth listening to. In my career, I have to do a lot of speaking. There are
many different words for it. Teaching, training, directing, but it all boils
down to expressing. Sometimes I
express information, methods, or strategy. Other times I express a sense of
urgency, or passion.
Most of our lives
both at work and at home involve a lot of expressing. So what are the skills
that make someone a great communicator? Why should we care about improving those
skills? I don’t want my child to just
hold my hand when we cross the road. I want him to understand why he should be safe. I don’t want a
team member to only understand the task they are assigned, I want them to care
about its execution because they want the business to be as successful as I do.
The difference between saying things, and capturing people’s
attention is inspiration. Do you want to be a speaker, or someone who
inspires and brings out the best in others? Do you want to argue, or move
others to your point of view? There are 1000s of books on the subject, and way
more to being a great communicator than what is contained in this post. I would
like to share a few strategies that have impacted my ability to communicate
effectively, and (hopefully) inspire the people around me to want to listen.
Make an investment in
your audience
Think about the times you have been most captivated by what
someone had to say. Odds are, you were moved and you cared because they were
making an investment into you.
We are usually most interested in conversations that involve
or impact us in some way. The same goes for the people we speak to. When giving
directions at work, it’s much more impactful if I explain why executing or operating a certain way makes our business more
profitable. It’s more on point with our mission, which ultimately benefits them.
While he may not completely understand the concept yet, we have a culture in
our home where we don’t just tell our son what he should or shouldn't do, we
explain why he shouldn't lick the fridge, or play with his electric car in the
bathtub. We make it about him. His safety, his ability to be nice, his ability
to sleep good at night by not eating another sugary popsicle. Appeal to what
matters to the person you’re speaking to, and if they see you’re making an
investment in them, they’ll be inspired to listen.
Think first, then
speak
Really understanding what you want to say will help you
deliver the message with clarity, and more naturally. I used to have a job
where I did a lot more public speaking. When I first started, I thought I was
supposed to write down every word that I wanted to say, and memorize, or read
off my notes when delivering a message. I found this to be extremely
ineffective. I would lose my audience, and often my own thoughts, as my mouth
and brain tried to keep up with each other. The problem was, I was more focused
on the words I was going to use than the point I was trying to make. I started
to realize that I just needed to know the information, and the illustration or
story I was going to use to help get the message through. The more I absorbed
the information, the more fluidly I could communicate it, and the more
confident I seemed delivering it.
Whatever it is that you need to communicate, make sure you
have thought about it. Make sure you understand the point you want to make, and
how you are going to make it.
Stop taking, start
doing
Probably the most important factor as to whether or not
someone receives what you are communicating is the level of authenticity that
you display. I ask for a lot of effort from my team, how could I expect them to
buy into our vision if I don’t live it out in front of them every day? One of
my favorite moments as a sales manager was going to the salesfloor with a rag
and cleaner, and cleaning large appliances. I wouldn't say anything, I would
just clean and polish. Every time, like clockwork the sales team would
eventually all be cleaning appliances. I didn't have to use any words. My
actions got the point across clearly. If the boss is going to be cleaning, I
probably shouldn't be leaning.
You have to earn the trust of
whoever you are communicating to for them to care to listen in the first place.
If you want to talk to your spouse about being a better listener, make sure you
are listening. If you want your kids to eat their vegetables, you better finish
those peas (guilty)! Inspiring others starts with your participation. It starts
with putting your time, energy, and money where your mouth is.