Lessons from ineffective coaches
I've had a lot of coaches. From grade school sports teams and teachers, to bosses in the real world. Some have been incredibly impactful on my life, and given me the support and tools to be successful. They stand out as mentors that I'll be grateful for and always remember well. There are others who were just as impactful, but for totally different reasons. Not all important lessons need to be learned from good leaders. You can learn a lot from someone who doesn't fit into your idea of what a coach should look like. Here are a few examples of how poor leadership made me better(some details may be changed to protect the innocent).
That one time I was too slow
I loved being a part of a team when I was a kid. I got to hang out with my friends and be a part of something bigger than me. People relied on me. However, on my 4th grade baseball team there was one problem, I rarely got to play. Keep in mind this was in the late 90s when the whole "everybody gets a trophy" and "you're special" movement was in full swing. During one game, I remember getting frustrated because I was riding the familiar pine for most of the game, and I asked my coach to put me in the game. He replied that the game was too close so he couldn't risk putting me in because I was too slow. Ouch. He was absolutely right, but to 4th grade me that was soul crushing. For adult me it's still a little soul crushing.
Honesty is critical to effective coaching. If we can't tell someone when they aren't performing, or haven't developed the skills to be successful, we are not doing them, or our team any favors. That doesn't mean that good leaders should go around telling 4th graders they're just too slow. Effective coaches build skills during practice, they don't wait until the game is on the line to be honest about a lack of speed. If someone in your organization would be surprised if you told them what their opportunities are, you haven't been honest enough with them, and if you're not willing to provide the resources to help someone grow, you aren't a coach, you're just a boss.
That one time I sounded stupid
A similar quality in a lot of ineffective coaches is poor communication. Like my 4th grade baseball coach, a store manager that I worked for had the same opportunity, but for a very different reason. After asking me to change departments and start selling electronics, he asked me to role play with him to demonstrate how I would sell a T.V. to a customer. After going through the practice sale, the feedback he had for me was less than helpful. It was something along the lines of "you sound stupid, keep practicing." His honesty was helpful in that it made me so mad, I decided that I would either be the #1 sales person in the store to spite him, or I wound quit "half baked" style. Fueled by my anger at him for having the audacity to be honest with me, I did have more success. All of a sudden I cared about closing more sales.
Some people are motivated by money, some by recognition. Others have a need to prove themselves, or to feel accomplished. While I didn't like the way he said it, this manager knew that I would start finding ways to make myself better if he planted the seed. I'll choose to be more careful with how I communicate than he was, but I'll always remember the manager who strategically thought about what would make me successful, and pulled the trigger.
Perspective changes everything. In 4th grade, I wasn't thinking that someday I'll be grateful for the coach who told me I was slow. At the time, I didn't think the manager who told me I sounded stupid was doing anything that would help me. When I reflect on the poor examples of leadership I've had I either learn from their bad examples, or I learn that my perspective probably needed to change to see the truth in what they were saying. When we have great leadership influencing us it's easy to grow. I challenge you to change your perspective and find a way to grow even when you are surrounded by poor leadership.